I go to BYU. I love BYU. Therefore, for good reason I am a BYU fan. I love it. Spencer loves it. What's not to love. However, as much as I enjoy the opportunity to walk into Lavell Edwards Stadium, bask in the glory of my team and sit east stadium, 50 yard line, I realize nothing can be just that sweet when I hear the voice of the man behind me. I look to Spencer, roll my eyes and say,"Here we go again."
(I took about fifteen fake pictures of Spence and I just to get a picture of this guy. This was the best one, even though I have a double chin! Oh, and the little girl is staring at the camrea...whoopsies!)
Behind us sits a man. A man who's voice isn't very manly. A man who enjoys hearing the sound of his own voice. A man who speaks aloud for the very purpose of other people hearing this not-so-manly voice. He is a BYU Cougar fan. Because we were fortunate enough to sit in the faculty/alumni section...we were punished by being surrounded by many of these same BYU Cougar fans. These fans tend to be between the ages of 50 and 75, totting a byu folding bleacher chair and either a grandchild or child in hand. In this man's case his daughter was holding his hand. It was apparent that he had no sons, but if he did, they too would have a not so manly voice. Because he had a daughter, he thought it right to explain every aspect of the game to her...every aspect, leaving Spencer and I with a powder-puff sounding play by play. Spencer immediately went into man mode and blocked all else out but the masculine groans and smashes of the players. I on the other hand, could not block the man's voice from my ears. I would hate when the cougars did anything good or bad because he would spell it out for me and his daughter with lines such as..."OoO that was a booter" when describing a bad kickoff. I laughed my face off while somehow continue to show my annoyance and dislike. I'm talented. He couldn't see my face, don't worry. I started to take notes on his quotes, I'll grace you with a few:
"Let's go de--fense...walk em back 5 yards yeah, woo hoo!!" (yes woo...hoo)
-These are one's he said to his daughter...who was probably 5 and busy watching the cheerleaders, searching for Cosmo and practicing her next dance recital in her head.
"Ok now let's see what they do will they run a POWER(attempting to have a manly voice for that word) play or option it. Or...OoOOOoOOo, looks like something else."
-To which she responded
"What are those white U shaped things at the ends?"
-SHE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE GOAL POSTS ARE STOP PRETENDING SHE CARES ABOUT YOUR PLAY BY PLAY!!!
-Oh and my favorite...everyone is making a ton of noise and gettin super excited. Her dad is participating in this. The Cougs mess up. Everyone groans...she says,
"Well if everyone would stop stomping maybe they could concentrate!"
He says,
"Well honey that's how they pump up...you see, it's different than dance"
-That's right dad, she likes dance. So stop talking out of your butt and trying to make everyone around you think you even know what football is!!
Spence had an 11 year old kid next to him who he claimed was the ultimate cougar far. He knew every one's name and stats and did not flaunt that for our ears. Very mature. Not to say this "man" wasn't, but he basically probably sounded just like that 11 year old.
Cougar football is a blast and being one of the annoying fans makes me happy, but having to deal with the other fans doesn't. So all you anti-BYU fans, I understand and all you cougs, please don't be this man.
