For me.

Today was hard, for reasons I don't want to say because it shows how weak and pathetic I am. People are dealing with so much everyday AND people deal with my crap everyday times a million! People are strong. Today I felt weak and defeated. I felt like I let life get the best of me. Over and over. I felt so selfish in all my whining and complaining to myself too. I just. It was all too much. I laid in bed after I put Ollie down and had somehow managed to pull myself together enough to clean the house, do the dishes and laundry and prepare for tomorrow. That was probably the only tender mercy I experienced today. See, again, Selfish. I'm hoping to get over myself and be better to myself, my boy, and others tomorrow. Life is so...weird. I feel like all my thoughts and goals and actions are always contradicting each other. I'm a talker. Not a doer. But I want to be what I'm not. I always see the ways I can be better, but I don't ever act on it and I never live for who I am either. I guess I'm a pretty self-consciece, under confident, undefined, small person. That's who I see in my ways. It's not figuring out HOW to change, Spence and I are so good and philosophizing and figuring out life, it's DOING the change. I'm in a circle of life that leads me back to where I started constantly. Can't wait to get that circle straight. I don't even believe I can...that's, sad.